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It’s been so long since Tesla promised a new model it is hard to keep an accurate picture of the launches in mind. We did our best and wanted to update the timelines for the products that Tesla showed us many years ago during “launch” events or if you prefer, “Reveal” events. Either term seems to work equally well for vaporware product promises. Why now? Well, it seems that after about five years, and many years later than promised, Tesla may deliver its first EV Semi Tractor. We’ll see if it really happens and how many are delivered in 2023 very soon.
Tesla Semi Tractor
Tesla first showed the world its Tesla Semi back in 2017. Closing in on six years later, the Semi has still not arrived. In the time since Tesla claimed it would deliver a Semi a competitor also made that claim, sort of faked it, and has now been convicted of crimes against electric vehicle fans. Will Tesla really have a viable Semi tractor business starting in 2023, or will the company deliver a handful of “betas” that checks off the “we made an EV semi-tractor” box? Time will tell.
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Tesla Cybertruck
Reuters recently published a story that claims the Cybertruck was delayed. Well, that’s not news at all. The Cybertruck was revealed before the moon landing, so we know the truck is delayed. Reuters wanted to point out that it is newly delayed, delayed yet again, or way past its secret-double-dare-you delay date. We have given up attaching any truth to Tesla delivery promises and even given up on reporting false delivery claims for the most part. But this one caught our attention because Fred Lambert of Elektrek weighed in to say that Reuters was wrong. His story title was, “No, Tesla Cybertruck production is not being further delayed.”
Mr. Lambert is a Tesla investor, owner, and expert and owns a respected pro-Tesla advocacy publication. So, without checking any imaginary facts, his opinion is the one we would defer to. Except that when we read his rebuttal to the Reuters claim that Tesla’s Cybertruck is delayed in a way that is somehow interesting, he summarized his argument with “Honestly no one, including Tesla, probably knows when mass production is going to be achieved.” So, if Mr. Lambert is correct about that, Mr. Lambert also doesn’t know if the Tesla Cybertruck’s production is further delayed.” Or am I missing something?
Tesla New Roadster
The Tesla New Roadster is the one that isn’t a Lotus with an erector set kit stuffed into the engine bay. It’s the imaginary supercar that Tesla says is the fastest in the world or something. Our best estimate is that the Roadster is now entering its sixth year since it was “revealed.” No deliveries. Not even to Mr. Musk himself.
Tesla Model 2 a.k.a. The Half-Price Tesla Model 3
Tesla has done little to control the speculation that it will create a new lower-cost battery-electric vehicle that has a price about half that of the Model 3. Chevy has had a car that is exactly that for many years (called the Bolt). In fact, they now have two. But, it’s not a Tesla.
The Model 2 renderings were cute. The speculation was furious. Then it died down. Now it is starting up again. Clean Technica knows so much about this imaginary new model nobody has ever seen that they even know its delivery volume. On October 21st, 2022, Zachary Shahan titled his story definitively, “Lower-Cost Tesla Will Outsell All Current Teslas Combined.” A bold claim given that Tesla presently doesn’t have a production line built for the new imaginary lower-cost Tesla.
The title is lifted from a quote from Elon Musk. So we know it must be true. However, the title doesn’t say “According to Elon Musk…” or “Tesla claims….” It just states a fact that Clean Technica must have verified. We used Control F to search that story for any mention of the mass-market EV that already sells for about half that of the lowest-cost Tesla, the Chevy Bolt, and could find no mention of the miracle car.
Feel free to offer you speculations, fever dreams, or well-researched speculations on when Tesla will expand its portfolio from two models it sells quite a few of and two it barely sells in our comments section below.
Image of Tesla retail location showroom by John Goreham
Any factual data included in this satirical story is purely accidental.
John Goreham is a long-time New England Motor Press Association member and recovering engineer. John's interest in EVs goes back to 1990 when he designed the thermal control system for an EV battery as part of an academic team. After earning his mechanical engineering degree, John completed a marketing program at Northeastern University and worked with automotive component manufacturers, in the semiconductor industry, and in biotech. In addition to Torque News, John's work has appeared in print in dozens of American news outlets and he provides reviews to many vehicle shopping sites. You can follow John on TikTok @ToknCars, on Twitter, and view his credentials at Linkedin
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