Obama's Cadillac defeated by speed bump

Imagine yourself going over a tall speed bump in your low-rider. So tall in fact, that once your front wheels get over it, the frame of your car touches the top of the hump and you've in essence created a see-saw. This is exactly what happened to our President this morning

President Obama's Cadillac, affectionately named "The Beast" by its owner, was built to order by General Motors for the Secret Service when Obama was elected. It is designed to get the President from point A to point B in 100% safety.

It can withstand blasts from Molotov cocktails, rocket propelled grenades, large caliber rifles, roadside explosives, chemical and gas attacks and even rabid Honey Badgers.

This eight ton beast, (the equivalent of three Ford F250 trucks!) is so heavy, they had to use the chassis from a GMC TopKick commercial truck. The standard Cadillac 4.6 liter V8 would never be able to move around that much heft, so Cadillac installed the GM 6.6 liter Duramax turbo-diesel V8 to haul the "Beast" around.

Why so much weight? well the Caddy is equipped with just about every safety device that can conceivably be installed into a vehicle.

This impressive list includes:
1.) Armored fuel tank with internal foam that would prevent an explosion even with a direct hit
2.) The trunk holds an oxygen tank that would supply oxygen to the president in case of a chemical attack and has a fire extinguishing system in case of a fire bomb
3.) Eight inch thick armored doors
4.) Five inch thick armored floors
5.) Kevlar and steel reinforced tires that allow the car to be run even if the tires are blasted away
6.) Five inch thick bullet proof glass

All this defense was no match for a bump in the road. Maybe what Obama's Cadillac really needs is a 6-inch lift kit with some 35" tires. Which might help garner some cool-votes for his re election here in the South.